Moving

It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to end my time with this blog. I am not going far, but I am feeling the need to consolidate. I am finding my creativity stifled by having two blogs with which to keep up and have decided to just use my original blog:

http://breedale.blogspot.com/

I will continue to follow many of Jamie's prompts over there and I will also be posting a lot about my slow transition into the raw vegan lifestyle as well as life after newborn baby. I thank you for following my journey on this blog, Perpetual Spirit and hope you will continue to keep in touch with me on Perpetually Changing aka breedale.blogspot.com

Wishcasting Wednesday

This wish is so big and so important and am torn between desirous truth and moral compassion. Jamie asks this week : What is your money wish?

Now, I am a very compassionate person and I know that even though I too can feel the crunch of these economic times, I am fortunate enough to be in a place where honestly I could use my wish for the good of others who need it more than I. However, having said that, I know that if I use my wish for my benefit and the benefit of my family, I will be in a better place to help others and spread my wealth to those in need. So do I just give them the wish, or do I take the wish for myself and see what happens?

I am afraid to say, I have to take the selfish route here and I am a bit ashamed that I have not let my philanthropist self shine out. I do have constant worries that I am strapped with though, such as will I ever be able to pay off my college loans and my husbands? I won't dare say how much we owe combined, but let's just say it could almost be another house. Thankfully, we don't owe the American norm in credit card debit, but we are still pecking away at the small amount that we do owe and I would like it to banish it. Although I work for the state and have supposedly good insurance, the cost of having a baby is astronomical and I owe both the doctor and the hospital my share of that cost. Any other country and it would not be a worry, but alas I live in America and well... I won't go into how I feel about health care. We also have a car to pay off and a house I would like to pay off so that we could have the freedom to have a blank slate and live debt free.
I will not wish for millions, although who doesn't want to be a millionaire? Mine is a small sum of money I will wish for but enough to cover the odds and ends and set my family on a worry free path. It would be a new beginning. I don't really want new and exciting things. I just want to enjoy the life I have and help others without feeling like I am taking away from helping my own family. So, I have a number in my head for this wish, but I will not reveal it. I am learning about revealing too much on the blog as it is causing me problems. However, I will state my wish as such:

My money wish is to have enough to pay off our debts and live life with a clean slate so I can freely give to others without feeling guilty.

I can't wait to see how others handle this same wish. I hope it comes true for everyone!

Back to Normal- sort of

I went back to work on Friday and I managed ok. No pains. The doctor prescribed a brace to wear to support my belly muscles since they determined I am absolutely not in labor. Thank goodness! I do have to stay off of my feet as much as possible and hubby is diligently seeing to that! I am glad it all worked out the way it was supposed to. My students made me feel so missed and welcomed back, as did my co-workers. For me, it was really uplifting. I am not much of a loner. I really enjoy being social and having a social netwrok, so I am going to take it easy for the next six weeks and enjoy the friends I have at work. Then I will be off for the rest of the summer. The next six weeks are going to be crucial in class because I am prepping them for finals and moving up to the next level. I am glad I still get to be a part of it.

Aside from that news, I don't have much else to add today. I am enjoying the arrival of spring and basking in the rebirth as much as I can. Life is good, if you want to see it that way.
I still believe if you look for the bad, that is what you see and that is what you get. But if you look for the good, have hope and faith that everything will turn out for the best, then the best is what you get. I may be an eternal optimist, but I am happier that way. Life is too short not to be. So stay positive and look for the best in everyone and every situation. See if it doesn't change your outlook too! I also like what beautiful vegan had to say recently, "Look for something funny in every situation!" I couldn't agree more and I am thankful for the reminder. It is so true and applicable to every situation. Enjoy your lives!

Wishcasting Wed.

It feels so good to have the free time to be able to post a response to Jamie's Wishcasting Wed. prompt.

The prompt for today is : What do you wish to say yes to?

Well, I didn't have to think to long about this one. I wish to say yes to all that the universe has planned for me, especially if it was not something I had planned for myself. I have lived long enough to learn that life gives you what you need, not always what you want and somehow it always works out better. I am still like a child sometimes though and like to stomp my feet because I am not getting my way. So, I am wishing to say yes and accept what is prepared for me lovingly by the universe. This is a valuable reminder for me, especially during this bed rest period, so thank you Jamie for knowing exactly how to pinpoint the important reminders we all need!

Bed Rest Update

I want to thank Serena and Genie for their wonderful comments. It feels good to have a tribe, as Genie put it, and I am so thankful to them for being there and sending their well wishes from both Australia and Canada respectively. It means so much to me ladies, thank you. I also want to thank Shaina who has been a good friend of mine for almost seven years now. She offered to rush over to help me, which is an amazing offer. Thank you so much Shaina. I will call you soon!

So, I am still on bedrest. After a trip to the er on Sunday morning, the doctor said I should stay on bedrest for three more days. I will see the doctor on Wed. and if the contractions/cramps haven't stopped then we will go from there. They put me on some medicine to help relax my uterus and hopefully stop the contractions. Although this was a bit of an ordeal, I have been able to gain a positive perspective on this. First of all it is raining, so being on bed rest today and tomorrow feels like I got the better part of the deal. I mean who really wants to leave the house on days like these anyway. Second, I got my planning done for the week, so if I am out for the whole week I know my classes will be covered and I won't be too far behind when and if I return.
Third, I thought about all of the reasons people are put on bedrest and I was suddenly overcome with gratitude. I am not sick, I am not in fear of dying and my body is fully functional. I don't have to take multitudes of medicine to keep me comfortable and I am not stuck at the hospital away from my family and pets. I am expecting to get through this and have a beautiful baby girl to take care of. The way I see it now is, if I have to get out of work six weeks earlier than planned and stay home to ensure my baby and I are both well, I am still pretty damn lucky. I was reading some horror stories about women with similar pregnancy problems and they had it far worse off then I did. I needed the time to vent the other day to get my mind wrapped around this but now that I have I feel a lot better. I feel fortunate. I feel I can do more good by being positive than I will by complaining and being fearful. I am thankful that I have this outlet and that I have supportive friends both near and far who will rally me through this. Thank you so much for being there! I will continue to post and hopefully find inspiring topics to keep this blog flurishing. Have a great day where ever you may be!

My long absence

So, the last time I wrote I was preparing for spring break and was lamenting that I had not had much time to catch up online due to lack of computer access. Well, I now have a lap top and am happy to finally be up and running. However, something else has come up now that I really feel I must blog about. It is more of a vent then anything so although I like for this blog to remain positive and uplifting for others, I feel I have to have somewhere to release my emotions and this seems the most likely place.

I was enjoying my spring break immensely. Although, I didn't rest as much as I should, I had a fabulous check up and was feeling great, until Thursday. Thursday afternoon I started to feel some crampy feelings, like during that time of the month. I got off of my feet and rested for the remainder of the evening. I went to bed after drinking a lot of water and lying on my left side, hoping the cramps would go away. The next morning they continued. While they were not painful, they were still very worrisome and I called my doctor immediately. He wanted to see me right away. He checked my cervix and saw that everything was in good working order. He tested me to see if my hormone production was changing, encouraging labor but the test came back negative. He told me to go home and treat this as preterm labor anyway. Rest, relax and don't over exert. If I am still having cramps on Monday or if they worsen I am to see him again.

It is now Saturday. I am still cramping and although I am trying to maintain a postitive outlook about all of this, I am still very nervous. First, it is way too early for a baby to arrive. I am only 24 weeks along and I know there are some pretty hefty concerns if a baby comes that early' so of course I want to do all I can to keep my body from trying to begin labor. Second, I hate the timing of this. Why couldn't this have happened last week when I was beginning a week off. I know that the world does not revolve around me and my job will survive without me, but I hate to let anyone down and missing the first day back after spring break really worries me, much less the thought of bed rest.

I am scared to death of bed rest. I know exactly what lesson the universe is trying to teach me here, as I have seen it many times before. If I am put on bedrest, I will have to learn acceptance. I will have to accept that I can't make plans and not expect them to change. I will have to accept that I will have to ask for help from others and I will have to accept that I will have to relinquish control both at work and at home and let things happen as they will. All of this is difficult for me. I like being in control. I really like feeling like my students depend on me and if someone else takes over my classes that means that they don't really need me. I have always been a person who would rather do it myself then ask for help and if I can't get up to make myself lunch, I will be swallowing a lot of pride. Now, I know I am jumping way ahead of myself here and I need to just take it one day at a time and see what happens, but I was so not planning for this. I kept putting this possibility out of my mind. I kept telling myself, I am going to make it through this pregnancy problem free. I am going to finish my semester, I am going to have a month and a half to prepare for the baby before she even gets here after the semester. Every year it seems I have had some major catastrophe that has put me behind at work. I wanted to be the every woman who could be pregnant and finish my semester without complaint or extra leave time. Again, I know it still could happen but with every cramp/contraction I have a little more hope is being squeezed out of me as reality sets in. A reality I don't want to face.

I know all of this sounds so selfish. I should be happy to have carried my baby this long already. I should be thankful that I have the ability to be on bedrest and still provide for my family if it comes to that. I should be focused on keeping this baby safe and healthy and I am which is why this all feels so challenging. I feel so conflicted. I want to stay completely in bed because I don't want to feel even the slightest twinge for fear that I might hurt the baby or put her in jeopardy of coming early. Even though the doctor said just to take it easy, I am afraid to even move to the couch for fear of moving too much. I feel like I am going crazy with worry and I need to just calm down. I need to breathe and really relax. I cannot control what will happen next and I think that is probably what bothers me the most. I will get through this though and either way I will be back on the blog catching up on all that is over due, if only to take my mind off of the situation. If you read this all the way through, thanks for being there. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I will keep posting as the situation changes or doesn't change.

Keeping up!

I thought would just post a little something so everyone knows I am still alive. I have been suffering from "The Crud" this week. Everyone at work has it and it is really awful. I even took one whole day off just to sleep. So, I haven't posted any responses to The Next Chapter book series for two weeks. I have been reading, just not posting. My lap top officially croaked, so I am waiting on its replacement. That makes it difficult to get computer time. Hubby's house computer is usually being used by him when I have a free second, so I am using my down time from all sources computer related to reconnect with myself. I am at work now, but in a few hours I will begin my blissful week away from here and this illness ridden building and will be away from yet another main computer source. Being that this is my spirit column, I thought I would tell you what I plan on doing with all of this free time to brighten my spirit.

The first thing I am doing is abstaining from all things political or economical or even celebrity gossip related. I will not step on a pedestal here, but I do believe negative energy spreads as quickly as a wildfire and there is so much negative stuff being said about our economy, our president, and the state of our country that it is creating more negative emotions and feelings throughout. No, I am going to focus solely on my reaction to every situation and my reaction to this is to step away. I won't engage in political conversations and I will even boycott John Stewart, my favorite political satirist and Perez Hilton, celeb gossip blogger. I think it is important to get back to what is happening everyday in my life and what I have control over. Raising my ire over issues that I cannot influence one way or another has become an improper way for me to use my time. While I do not condone flighty ignorance to the rest of the world as the opposite extreme, I think one week out of the loop will actually renew my spirit more than anything else.

The second thing I am going to do is play outside. Although it was snowing at the beginning of the week, we will reach 70 degree temps today and throughout the weekend. I will visit the beach, take long walks and prep my yard for my spring garden. I will play with my dogs and my daughter outside and I will enjoy the beauty of blossoming spring.

The third thing I plan to do is to play creatively with food and collage. I have really been following a pretty strict vegan/ raw foods diet and I am feeling better than ever. I have a lot of recipes I plan on making over the break. I am even having a whole bread baking day with a friend. I plan on trying to make some of the really inspiring looking raw desserts that I see all over the blogs. I also plan on making a really awesome collage for my Full Moon Dream Board.

The last thing I plan on focusing on is taking time to journal and meditate. I have so much going on in my head, so many dreams and ideas. I want to have lots of quiet time to let them wander out and be free to roam and play.

So, I will catch up on my book posts and I will even visit and comment on my inspiring friends blogs', which I have had to bypass during this sick busy period. I will not spend much time online though because there is so much world out there to see, so many joyous things to focus on and so much life to live. I will practice living simply and I will enjoy it. I hope you enjoy your week as well!